By: D-chan

Date: 9/28/01, 11:56 PM

Disclaimor: I don't own CCS or the song "Brown Eyes". CLAMP owns CCS and Destiny's Child owns the song. But I had to change a few words to fit the story. I'm also ONLY using a few choice lyrics instead of all of them like I normally do (plus they're not all in order that they're sang). I.E: I changed the "he" into "she". You'll see what I mean near the end.

WARNINGS: My second posted CCS fic. Shoujo ai. Not who you think. You have been warned.

I admit, I wasn't very kind to her when we first met. And I didn't like her for a long time. But after The Judgement, I saw her in a new light. I found my heart moving from one boy to this girl, and finally I knew that I could only love HER. My mother would certainly be furious if I called off the engagement... but what can I do? I love her so much.

And the more I loved her, the more I found it hard to conceal my feelings for her. I'm really paranoid, now. I'm afraid that she may already know. And even if she doesn't know, when she finds out - and I know she'll find out, sooner or later - then what? What will I do?

I can only hope. Hope and pray. Pray that Kinomoto Sakura will love me back...

~ Remember the first day when I saw your face, Remember the first day when you smiled at me ~

Can't get her out of my mind. Why does she haunt me? I love another guy... don't I? He's so sweet and mature, and I know Touya loves him, too, and my rival. Well... former rival. We're friends now. But why can't I shake the feeling of HER?

So special... and so different. She puts up an amazing front, and is just as good in gymnastics as my new friend and I. Tomoyo even records her on her camera sometimes.

WHY her? Why not Yukito? WHY? I loved Yukito first. And she chooses now, NOW, to haunt my very existance? My dreams? My awakened world? My heart?

That's it. I have to get this out of my system. I'll ask her out on a date, but I have to make it seem like a friend hang-out sort of thing. I CAN'T LET HER GUESS. I just can't.

I know I'll have to tell her sooner or later. Just not now. Now isn't the right time. I hope I'll know when the time comes. I don't want her to slip away again... I just can't let that happen.

~ Remember the first day when you called my house; Remember the first day when you took me out. We had butterflies although we tried to hide, And we both had a beautiful night ~

It's just a friend thing. I KNOW that. Oh, God... why is this so HARD? We're just having lunch, talking nicely and openly for the first time in a very, very long time. But, of course, I don't tell her I love her.

She wouldn't understand. She doesn't even understand TOMOYO loving her. So, of course, she wouldn't understand me... right?

Did she just blush? No, it must have been the lighting. Damn it! I feel my resolve weakening, and I'm dying to tell her now. So why not just get it over with?

No. I'm not as strong as I thought. I'm a coward; I'm scared to death. I'm too afraid of her reaction.

I hope I can get through the next couple of hours without slipping...

~ The way we talked the way we laughed, It felt so good to find true love. I knew right then and there you were the one ~

She's the one. I know that in my heart. After we just hung out for a few hours two days ago, right afterwards, we'd hugged each other good-bye, like good friends do. But we're not good friends. And good friends aren't supposed to feel light and tingly and so alive and FREE after hugging each other.

I'm so in love, I can't see straight. But how can she understand my feelings? She's in love with HIM, and how can I possibly mix her up? I don't want to hurt her...

But this PAIN! Why does it have to hurt so much?

True love hurts. I don't remember where I heard that, but now I know what they meant. It hurts so much sometimes, to love someone that can't possibly love you back. And it's a horrible kind of hurt. When you breathe and think about them, it's like broken, crystal glass shards stabbing your heart. It wants to tear you apart, body and soul, and you have to fight it to stay alive.

But I'd never trade any moment of knowing her for anything else in the world... not even Yukito.

~ I'm so happy, so happy that you're in my life, And baby now that you're a part of me. You showed me... Showed me the meaning of true love ~

Now I can't sleep at night.

I toss and turn, knowing that my fiancee is right in the next room. I could go there if I wanted... but why bother? I loved Sakura, not...

But it doesn't matter anymore. In just a few years, my fate will be sealed. I'll be married and be carrying on the clan's name...

No! I thought this with sudden conviction, sudden certainty. I threw the covers off my body and quicklt got dressed, not caring what I was wearing. It was only six in the morning, but I had to tell Sakura! Each day I wait will only make it harder. I want to do it before I completely give up later on to be married!

*Just you wait, Sakura,* I thought tenderly. *You're going to get the shock of your life.*

I hope this won't be the biggest mistake on MY life...

~ I know that she loves me cause she told me so. I know that she loves me cause her feelings show. When she stares at me you know that she cares for me, You see how she is so deep in love ~

I was surprised. "What are you-"

"I need to talk to you."

I felt my cheeks warm. "S-sure." I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. "What is it?"

"You're going to get mad." Her eyes were shadowed from me.

"I won't," I promised gently. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you? I won't judge you."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." Now I could almost see her eyes. "I really hope you can hold to that promise."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my cheeks growing hotter as the blood kept rushing to my face. My hands tingled... something big was going to happen. I could feel it.

She looked into my eyes, and now I could see. I gasped. I could see... I could see...

"I love you, Sakura."

~ I know that she loves me cause its obvious. I know that she loves me cause it's me she trusts ~

"What?" she whispered.

I swallowed. "I love you." I repeated.

"Y... You..."

"I understand if you hate me," I said in a rush. "And... I know I wasn't the best person at first. But I can't help it! I... I feel like I can see what Tomoyo sees. You're so caring... about everyone. And you DON'T judge, but maybe now that I said that you'll-"

She shook her head. "Oh, no, you don't understand at all!" I blinked in confusion, staring at her. She gave me a shaky smile and I felt my heart beat faster. "Because... you see... I... I love you, too, Mei Ling."

~ It felt so good for you to say those words, Cause I felt the same way too ~

I told her! I couldn't believe it! Six in the morning I hear my doorbell ring and I see Mei Ling standing on my front step. It's raining and she looks soaked, but I'm afraid to bring her inside so early. So I step outside, still in my pajamas. Then I see she's wearing jeans and a white sweatshirt, and I noticed how cute she looked in them.

Then she does her best to work up to something. The whole time my heart is pounding... and then she says it! She loves me! I felt so light, I thought I would faint. I'm so glad I didn't.

I must have sounded disgusted or something, because she made up some long, winding sort of appology... but then I told her! I just couldn't let her not know when we were so close, could I? So I told her. "I love you, too, Mei Ling."

It's true. I, Kinomoto Sakura, the Sakura that had been in love with Touya, the Sakura that wouldn't even let Syaoran get between me and my crush on Yukito, that Sakura... I am in love with Li Mei Ling.

I don't really know how it happened. But then I think back to the time she spent the night at my house. The first and only time. And it wasn't like the nights with Tomoyo, where we just had fun. I'd felt a little flutter in my stomach when she looked at me, mistaking it for fear, mostly because she just seemed so attached to Syaoran. But now I know, that was the night I fell in love with her.

~ Remember the first day, the first day we kissed ~

"You're not just playing tricks on my mind, are you?" I smiled a little. The old Mei Ling I had grown used to was back, but her eyes looked uncertain instead of hard and cold.

"Are you?" I whispered.

"No."

"Then..." I stepped closer to her. We were almost the same height, but she had a few inches on me. "Neither am I."

"I love you, Sakura," she whispered.

"I love you, Mei Ling."

I shared my first kiss that night with Li Mei Ling.

~ And we both had a beautiful night ~

We talked until morning, not even noticing how wet we were. We giggled and laughed, both of us so releived to have the weight lifted off our shoulders.

"Mei Ling!" Syaoran looked surprised, and I'm sure Sakura and I did, too.

"Oh. Hello, Syaoran," I said calmly.

He shook head head, frowning. "School's going to start in an hour! And I've been looking all over the place for you!"

I glanced at Sakura, smiling. "I'll handle this," my smile said. She nodded.

Then I looked back at him, matching his glare. "I was just at Sakura's. I can't get hurt as long as I'm with the Mistress of the Clow Cards, can I?"

I knew he was suspicious of something. Why would *I*, Li Mei Ling, be at Sakura's house? After all the things I'd said to her? After all the things I'd put her through just to desperately cling to Syaoran? But I knew, now. I'd been running from my feelings the whole time.

"Sakura and I are just a lot closer than you thought," I said, glaring at him.

Syaoran sighed. "Just go home and get changed, all right? And if you're late, it won't be my fault." Then he walked back home, still sulking.

I sighed, looking at my love. "I'll see you at school?"

"Hai!" Her face brightened with a sunny smile, the one that made my knees weak. "I can't wait," she added softly.

~ And when she looks at me her brown eyes tells her soul ~

I glance behind me every now and then, hoping to catch her eye. When we do lock eyes, we both smile simultaniously. I feel so happy, and so free.

I could only turn to Tomoyo about all of this. She was so supportive, and even encouraged it! I don't think I'll ever completely understand her, but I hope that out friendship will never change.

Syaoran is still my friend, too. But nothing more. I see him still blush around Yukito. He hasn't done that in a while. And he also blushes around Eriol-sama! Tomoyo says those two would make the perfect couple. And, she promised, she wouldn't tell a soul about my and Mei Ling's relationship. She said she knew we could handle that ourselves. I think Mei Ling was very pleased with that comment.

I think that, before Mei Ling and I told each other how we felt, I never really knew what a beautiful shade her amber-brown eyes were. And she always told me, when we were alone, that I had eyes like spring. I always laughed, but I'm also always very touched, and I tell her so. Somehow, it ends with a kiss, and I REALLY like that.

I sigh, glancing at her again. And I smile, even though she hasn't seen me yet.

Li Mei Ling has the most beautiful brown eyes in the whole world.

~ owari ~